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CURTAIN OPENS: The Prince enters stage left and tiptoes into the dragon’s lair.
Prince: Oh, Lavalips! Yoo Hoo! Lippy?
Lavalips snorts smoke.
Lavalips: Unauthorized nicknames are exceedingly rude!
Prince: Oh, sorry. I…uh….came to take you up on that offer of tea… and cookies.
Lavalips: Why did you leave so fast?
Prince: Well, I was a little concerned.
Lavalips: Concerned?
Prince: Uh…nervous.
Lavalips: Nervous?
Prince: OK! Scared out of my wits. You blew smoke at me!
Lavalips: Well, what do you expect when you come in here like a combination of Jackie Chan and Johnny Depp? Besides, I told you it was heartburn!
Prince: I am a handsome, heroic prince. I am supposed to act like that.
Lavalips: I am beginning to wonder if you are a Prince at all. Do you have some identification?
Prince: Identification! Identification! I am a real prince. You, you are nothing but…but… an overstuffed bird.
Lavalips starts snorting smoke again.
Prince: Wait, I’m sorry. Let’s have that tea now. So, tell me about yourself. How old are you?
Lavalips: Oh, about 500 years old. I was once the terror of the kingdom—kidnapping maidens, burning villages, roasting princes…Oh, those were the days!
The Prince looks a little nervous and starts backing up again.
Lavalips: Oh, don’t worry. You’re safe. I’m retired now. My days of kidnapping maidens are over. They were always too small for a good meal anyway. The only thing maidens were good for was as prince bait! Nothing lures a Prince like a damsel in distress. Uh…no offense.
Prince: But when the princes slay the dragons…no offense… and rescue the maidens, don’t they fall in love with the princes?
Lavalips: You see, that’s another myth. Love takes time… to get to know someone, and learn to appreciate them for their finer qualities. Just because you kill a dragon doesn’t mean she is going to fall in love with you. Ladies want things like respect, tenderness, honesty, not just swashbuckling!
Prince: Boy, do I know that! I melted a forest of thorns, slayed a dragon… no relation, I hope…kissed the Princess to wake her up from a 100-year slumber, and she slapped me across the face, and sicced her guards on me!...Now, I’m supposed to bring back your head so I can marry her.
Lavalips: Oh, dear. We do have a problem, don’t we?
Lavalips scratches his head as if he is thinking. Several dragon scales fall on the
Prince, who puts his arms up over his head to protect himself.
Lavalips: Sorry, I’m molting. It makes me kind of cranky.
The dragon scratches again and more scales fall. The Prince opens his mouth wide as if he just got a great idea.
Prince: Lavalips! I just thought of a way to solve this problem!